hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
