If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
