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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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