I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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