i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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