i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
