laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
