I looked at my own cervix.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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