You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
i think i just lost a toe
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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