dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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