I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Randomize
