lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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