I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
