shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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