He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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