I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize
