I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
