Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
