Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
