dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
