I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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