Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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