I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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