I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
