My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
