Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
