I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
