Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
