who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You've changed since you got that strap on
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
