my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
