no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
