Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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