Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
