I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
