Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
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