Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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