I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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