Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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