I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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