i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I deserve to be covered in dicks
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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