ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
