i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
