Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
