i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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