You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
