I heard we made out
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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