I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
