I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
