toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
