butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
