We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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