woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
