you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
